Nội dung

“Kreger gives an incredible amount of information, yet meets the needs of many types of readers. The anecdotes are memorable, the tasks are engaging, and the structure allows people to read it on an intellectual or emotional level. Most importantly, she has provided a great bridge between the high-level, abstract BPD theories and research and the realities of everyday life.” —Patricia Davis, family member of a person with BPD “The workbook is absolutely extraordinary. It’s a masterpiece and one of a kind. I couldn’t put it down. The Action Steps are right on target. Like Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book is another work of art.” —Rita Closson, M.A. THE Stop Walking on Eggshells WORKBOOK Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder RANDI KREGER with james paul shirley , l . m . s . w . New Harbinger Publications, Inc. Publisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books Lyrics from “This Too Will Pass” written by Carrie Newcomer. Published by CARRIE NEWCOMER MUSIC/Administered by BUG. All rights reserved. Used by permission. Quotes from I’m Not Supposed to Be Here by Rachel Reiland are reprinted with her permission. Published by Eggshells Press, 2002. Quotes and recommendations from Teresa Whitehurst are printed with her permission. Quotes from Helen S. are printed with her permission. Quotes from Shannon Mike are printed with her permission. Quotes from “Non-guy” are used with his permission. Copyright © 2002 by Randi Kreger New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 Cover design by Amy Shoup Edited by Brady Kahn Text design by Tracy Powell-Carlson Paperback: ISBN-10 1-57224-271-X ISBN-13 978-1-57224-271-0 Ebook: ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-715-4 All Rights Reserved Printed in the United States of America New Harbinger Publications’ website address: www.newharbinger.com 10 09 08 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 This book is dedicated to my husband, Robert L. Burko, a man who says he does not believe in unconditional love but gives it nevertheless. His love, acceptance, and willingness to support me and my BPD work over these past years have made this workbook possible and enriched the lives of thousands of people he will never know. Thank you. Hold tight, hold hands with me All is trouble just as far as you can see So here we are and here we stand So we’ll stare it down just to prove that we can And ride it out to the last It’s true, this too will pass. Small comfort when it goes so deep And you roll at night in fitful sleep I’ll tell you what I know As sure as trouble comes Yah, trouble will go I’ll say it though you didn’t ask It’s true, this too will pass. So lay it down, lay it down right here. All your sorrows, all your troubles and your fears. I can’t tell you how it goes this far Or explain why it gets so damn hard Or there are times that shine like jewels And will be all the brighter for what you’ve been through So hold these times tightly clasped It’s true, this too will pass. So out of the darkest place And the hardest times that you’ve ever had to face We’re more tender than some would believe And we still find it hard to ask for what we need But don’t give up too fast It’s true, this too will pass It’s true, this too will pass. —Carrie Newcomer, “This Too Will Pass” Contents Foreword ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction 1 Part 1 From Confusion to Clarity: Understanding BPD Chapter 1 Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone in Your Life Have BPD Traits? 9 Chapter 2 Defining BPD: The DSM-IV and Cognitive Distortions 27 Chapter 3 Defining BPD: The Subtypes 41 Chapter 4 Getting Together: Relationship Behavior Patterns 55 Chapter 5 Brainwashing 101: How BPD Behavior Affects You 71