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GREAT HOLLYWOOD COMEDIANS “We never see ourselves as others see us.” – Oliver Hardy “And awaaay we go!” – Jackie Gleason 2 HOLLYWOOD STORIES The Universal Maniac In 1999, an Australian gentleman told me about an interesting experience he and his family had at Universal Studios. They were on the backlot tour passing one of the theme park’s main attractions, the Bates Motel used in the 1960 horror classic Psycho, about a murderous young man named Norman Bates who loved his mother a little too much. As the guide gave out information about how director Alfred Hitchcock shot the picture, a tall man, dressed in drag and carrying a large knife, emerged from behind the old set and charged toward the tram. The narrator seemed to know nothing about the Norman Bates look-alike and clammed up completely. The make-believe killer wore such a convincing maniacal expression that some of the paying customers were frightened and screamed when he raised his weapon. Then the “fiend” pulled off his wig and he turned out to be comic Jim Carrey; the thirty-seven-year-old star was clowning around during a work break. After his laughing “victims” calmed down, Jim was happy to pose for pictures and sign autographs. Extra: Jim Carrey’s second wife, actress Lauren Holley, once complained that her husband freaked her out because he couldn’t pass a mirror in their mansion without stopping, staring into it, and making funny expressions for at least fifteen minutes. The same face-changing habit helped the Canadian-born comedian earn the praise of directors, adoration from his fans and millions of dollars. Extra: Jim Carrey’s big break came in 1982 when fifty-two-year-old Mitzi Shore, the owner of the famed Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip, took a mother-like interest in his career. Three years earlier, Shore’s world was rocked when her unpaid performers went on strike. After all, if the waiters and the bartenders got wages, why not the talent? Why should Shore get rich while they made nothing? In Mitzi’s eyes, she gave comics a showcase to hone their acts and move on to bigger venues. She even provided some of them with free food and housing. How could they do this to her? It had been especially galling that thirty-two-year-old David Letterman, one of her favorites, had joined the work stoppers. When a car struck a disgruntled picketer who ended up in the hospital, Mitzi decided to settle up before someone got seriously hurt. (It turned out the “victim,” David Letterman’s three-years-younger friend and future late-night GREAT HOLLYWOOD COMEDIANS 3 TV rival Jay Leno, faked his injuries in a successful attempt to end the conflict.) The whole ugly incident left a bitter taste in Shore’s mouth; she banned several of the labor dispute’s instigators from the club. When Carrey arrived on the scene, Mitzi thought the newcomer was someone special. He had an elastic body that seemed to be made of Silly Putty, was respectful and (unlike many of the other comics who the proprietor saw) looked good and always wore suits. Out of hundreds of comedians who auditioned at the Comedy Store each week, Shore gave Jim prime opportunities to perform nights at her club, publicly gushed over him and important people in Hollywood took notice. Extra: A knife-wielding “Norman Bates” charging the tram later became a feature on some of the Universal Studios’ Tours. The Breakfast Prank George Burns loved playing tricks on his best friend and fellow comedian Jack Benny. Once, they were getting lunch at the famed Brown Derby restaurant in Hollywood. George ordered Jack’s favorite dish, bacon and eggs, and wondered why his friend settled for cereal. Benny explained his wife Mary had been giving him a hard time at home about his diet and would kill him if he had bacon and eggs. The exasperated Burns shook his head. How pathetic! What was the point of working hard to become rich, famous and powerful if you were going to be henpecked? And Mary wasn’t even present. The inspired Benny nodded and changed his order. When they finished their hearty meals, George declared to the waiter that Jack would pick up the tab. The famous cheapskate turned red. “Why the hell should I pay it?” “Well, if you don’t I’ll tell Mary you ate bacon and eggs.” The Three Stooges’ Pain In the early 1930s, when Moe Howard of The Three Stooges decided childlike violence would be their trademark, it caused decades of repercussions for both the comics and their followers. After appearing in some two hundred films, middle Stooge Larry Fine lost all feeling on one side of his face. Curly Howard, the junior member of the team, wore a disguise in public to avoid being kicked in the shins by fans. Shemp Howard, who left the act and came back after younger brother Curly suffered a stroke in 1946, almost got knocked out by a young actress that he criticized after several takes for being too ladylike with her punches. Moe led his partners through orchestrated mayhem aimed at 4 HOLLYWOOD STORIES adult movie audiences for twenty-five years. He never imagined that beginning in the late fifties, the Stooges shorts would constantly replay on TV in front of impressionable kids. A sentimental family man in real life, Moe traveled throughout the country to teach youngsters the techniques of harmless, twofingers-to-the-forehead eye poking. Extra: One evening in the late 1920s, Shemp Howard (1895-1955) accused Larry Fine (1902-1975) of cheating at cards and poked him in the eyes. As Larry rolled on the floor writhing in pain, and Shemp apologized, Moe Howard (1897-1975) held onto his sides laughing. The eventual leader of The Three Stooges thought the incident was the funniest thing he’d ever seen, and incorporated similar violence into their act. Extra: By the late 1930s, Jerome “Curly” Howard (1903-1952) had become the most popular Stooge. A skilled basketball player and ballroom dancer, Jerry’s athleticism came in handy for his energetic antics on the big screen. Unlike Moe, who learned his scripts to the letter, the childlike Curly was a spontaneous performer. One time during filming, the youngest Howard brother suddenly got down on the floor and spun like a top for a few minutes until he remembered his lines. Young Frankenstein Follies Director Mel Brooks and the cast of the 1974 parody Young Frankenstein almost went overboard with their ad-libbing. British comic Marty Feldman, who played the dim-witted lab assistant Igor, came up with a running bit where his hunchback kept moving. Several days passed before Marty’s co-workers noticed; the displaced hump gag was added into the script so the other characters could react to it. Gene Hackman shone as a kindly blind man who abused Peter Boyle’s creature by spilling scalding hot soup on his lap, breaking his wine glass during a toast and accidentally lighting the cigar-smoking demon’s thumb on fire. As the screaming monster ran off in pain, Hackman topped off the scene by making up the line, “Wait! I was gonna make espresso.” Brooks himself provided a yowling cat sound when Gene Wilder’s Frederick Frankenstein threw an errant dart off camera. The players had so much fun creating extra material they ended up with a ponderous three-hour picture. Some hasty editing by Brooks removed the flat jokes, which cut Young Frankenstein’s length in half thus resulting in a comedy classic. GREAT HOLLYWOOD COMEDIANS 5 Larry David’s Job Security When comedian Larry David joined the writing team of the weekly TV comedy program Saturday Night Live in 1984, he lamented it was the first time in his life that he couldn’t make a friend. No one seemed to notice him or even wanted to go have coffee with him. Even worse, very few of Larry’s sketches were used. The volatile performer, who sometimes screamed at unresponsive audiences during his stand-up routine, finally reached a breaking point. One Saturday night right before show time, Larry told producer Dick Ebersol that SNL stunk and he quit! But when David got home, he realized that he would miss his fifty-thousand-dollar-a-year salary. On Monday morning, Larry returned to work pretending nothing had happened. The incident later inspired David to create a similar episode for his alter ego, George Costanza, on the hit TV show Seinfeld. Extra: When forty-three-year-old Larry David co-created the Seinfeld TV show (1990-1998), the comedian stated that he was a nice guy, but if he did all the rotten things he’d really like to do, he would be George Costanza. Thirtyone-year-old Jason Alexander who played the neurotic, selfish and self-loathing George on the small screen, sometimes questioned the credulity of David’s writing. Like the time George bought a cashmere sweater for a female friend as a thank-you gift and then she accidentally found out it was a hand-me-down. Or what about when Costanza quit his real estate job because he was forbidden to use his boss’s private bathroom? What happened to George could not possibly take place in real life. And even if it did, no one would react like he did. David told Alexander that the wild things in the Seinfeld scripts really did happen to him and that George’s reactions to them were exactly like Larry’s. Stop Complaining About Being a Virgin Comedian Steve Carell had an idea about a nerdy guy who plays poker with three buddies and is unable to keep up with their sex talk. The premise grew into the 2005 summer comedy The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Screenwriter and star Carell subscribed to the theory that men will laugh at other men in pain. Steve insisted that an excruciating scene, where some body waxers ripped off his ample chest hair, be real. During the one and only take, the other guys on the set tried to stop from snickering while the women offered him Advil. But one lady had no sympathy. When Steve complained about how hard the shoot was, his wife reminded Carell that he wrote the scenes that required him to spend 6 HOLLYWOOD STORIES hours kissing beautiful women, while she stayed at home with their kids and she didn’t want to hear it. Laurel after Hardy After Oliver Hardy’s death in 1957 at the age of sixty-five, his long-time partner Stan Laurel refused to perform publicly again. The British-born Laurel was far from reclusive. He lived in a small apartment in Santa Monica and was listed in the phonebook. Well-wishers would call up and ask to visit. Stan would welcome them with great stories and belly laughs that made him seem very different from the quiet, sad sack people saw onscreen. But why didn’t he live in some big mansion in Bel Air? The comic explained that his divorces plus bad business investments had not left him well off. Ownership of the Laurel and Hardy screen characters belonged to producer Hal Roach who teamed the two of them together in the late 1920s. With a smile, Stan told the sad tale of the time he and his partner wanted to buy Laurel and Hardy dolls as gifts for their families; they received no royalties and had to pay full price. Extra: In his later years, the very friendly Stan Laurel (1890-1965) was better off financially then he let on. After his comedy partner Oliver Hardy (18921957) died, Stan and his wife bought a large seven-room house in Santa Monica. It was too big for two retirees; they soon moved into a one-bedroom beach apartment. Stan was happy to welcome guests into his home whether they were famous or not. The smaller living space helped to discourage younger, lesserknown comics from hitting Laurel up for money. Extra: Stan and Ollie were not always close off the screen. Laurel would spend his after hours in the editing room where he had a reputation for drinking and carousing. The Harlem, Georgia, born Hardy, who was more actor than funny man, would usually leave to play golf as soon as the workday was done. Then in 1932, the two men hit on the idea of a joint vacation in England. Stan planned to see his family and Babe Hardy looked forward to checking out the British golf courses. The journey was meant to be private, but Hal Roach and some MGM Studios public relations men let the cat out of the bag. Both members of the comedy team, used to working in the relative isolation of the studio, were amazed at the crowds of people that greeted them abroad. Nine fans were injured in a mob scene when the two movie clowns disembarked at a train station. When Stan tried to return to his childhood home, the small market town of Ulverston, throngs of admirers prevented him from getting to the front door. The shocking realization of their worldwide stardom drew Laurel and GREAT HOLLYWOOD COMEDIANS 7 Hardy much closer together as friends, especially after their bosses, who benefitted greatly from the international publicity of Stan and Ollie’s trip, docked their salaries for the time they missed work. Extra: In the early 1920s, Oliver Hardy’s Italian barber patted his face with talcum powder and said, “Nice a baby.” Ollie’s friends heard about it and the actor became known as Babe. Milton Berle, Picture Snatcher Director Stanley Kramer was surprised how well his all-star cast of comedians got along while making It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World in 1964. The funny actors, who played a bunch of greedy motorists in search of stolen treasure, enjoyed the challenge of making each other laugh. Only the scenestealing antics of Milton Berle threatened to disrupt the company’s harmonious relations. The renowned joke thief found irritating ways to be the last one left in the camera shot. Berle’s upstaging trickery included dropping his hat and staring at what everyone looked at just a few seconds longer. Uncle Miltie’s subterfuge did not go unnoticed. In one sequence, his obnoxious mother-in-law, played by Ethel Merman, belted him several times with her purse. Afterward, Berle angrily complained to director Kramer that Merman really hurt him. The famous singer of show tunes opened her handbag and pulled out some heavy costumed jewelry. “Oh, I must have forgotten these were in here,” she remarked, without any apparent remorse. Extra: Ethel Merman (1908-1984) and Milton Berle (1908-2004) spent so much time together on the It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World that the two showbusiness legends reminded their co-stars of a bickering married couple. After Berle found out the name of Merman’s new dentist, he hinted that the same hygienist recently made a painful mess of his teeth. Merman was apprehensive for a week before discovering that she’d been tricked and plotted revenge. Ethel casually let it slip to Berle that she was getting higher billing than her Mad World co-stars. Not realizing he’d been lied to, the angry ex-television clown immediately called his agent and demanded equal treatment. Extra: Uncle Miltie, one of TV’s earliest stars, used to drive his fellow comedians crazy with his joke stealing. Famed gossip columnist Walter Winchell (1897-1972) once dubbed Berle “The Thief of Bad Gags.” Milton once bragged to Groucho Marx, “Groucho I took some of my best material from your act.” “Then you weren’t listening!” Marx angrily snapped back. 8 HOLLYWOOD STORIES Extra: Milton Berle once testified in a courtroom trial after being instructed by his lawyer only to answer yes or no. While in the dock, the old vaudevillian stated that he was the greatest comedian in the world. Later, the legal expert admonished him for not following instructions. Milton shrugged, “Hey, I was under oath.” Chico’s Sure Thing Chico Marx’s lifelong gambling addiction kept getting him in and out of trouble. After the Marx Brother’s 1933 comedy Duck Soup crashed and burned at the box office, Chico, along with younger brothers Harpo and Groucho, were fired by Paramount Studios and spent two years lost in the Hollywood wilderness. Chico scored a bridge game with MGM bigwig Irving Thalberg and charmed the producer into giving the famous comedy team a new contract. The savvy Thalberg cast the Marxes in the 1935 classic A Night at the Opera; it became the biggest hit of their careers. Two years later, the piano-playing comic once again got into financial hot water on the set of the newest Marx offering, A Day at the Races. Right before shooting the movie’s climactic steeplechase scene, Chico made a large bet on a horse that lost in the script. When asked for an explanation, the once-again broke fifty-year-old shrugged, “The crew gave me twenty-to-one odds.” Extra: Leonard Chico Marx (1887-1961) was a compulsive gambler from the age of nine. His father, who was a tailor, learned never to trust his son with a delivery. Leo hocked the clothes and blew the money in pool halls. No amount of beatings or admonishments from his old man could deter the boy from his risky hobbies. As he reached adulthood, Chico became a skilled card player but often took needless chances, which caused him to lose. Friends recalled him giving them expensive presents, then asking for them back within hours to use as bets. As his fellow movie-star brothers became rich, the old piano man performed in seedy dives to get by. Even after his frustrated siblings put him on an allowance, Chico continued to blow his meager funds till the end of his life. But once, the skirt-chasing comic scored big on an unlikely life-and-death long shot. After losing to mobster Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel (1901-1947) in a highstakes poker game, Chico paid him off with a bad check. The hot-tempered thug was gunned down in a probable gangland hit before he tried to cash it. Extra: In 1929, Paramount Studios head Adolph Zukor (1873-1976) reneged on a deal one of his underlings made to pay the Marx Brothers seventy-five thousand dollars. Sure, the comedy team’s play The Coconuts was a hit on GREAT HOLLYWOOD COMEDIANS 9 Broadway, but they were unproven in pictures. The mogul scheduled a meeting with Chico Marx, and ordered his wayward executive to attend so he could learn how a talent negotiation should be done. The oldest Marx Brother praised Zukor to high heaven. It was such an honor for Chico to meet the man who practically invented the motion-picture industry. It would be the thrill of a lifetime for the brothers to make a film at Paramount for a mere one hundred thousand dollars. Smiling, the totally charmed Zukor turned to his assistant and said, “Well, that sounds reasonable.” Extra: In 1934, the Marx Brothers felt insulted by MGM bigwig Irving Thalberg (1899-1936). How dare he say that their movies needed less laughs and more romance? And why did this young man keep them waiting when they scheduled meetings? The Marxes were from vaudeville where promptness was demanded. The comics plotted their revenge. One day they barricaded Irving’s office door with filing cabinets, and then escaped through the window. Another time, the once again tardy producer entered his workplace to find the comics completely naked and roasting potatoes in his fireplace. The good-humored Thalberg told the brothers to wait; he then called the MGM commissary and asked them to send up some butter. Bob Couldn’t Always Trust Bing Bing Crosby would stick up for his friend and sometimes-rival Bob Hope, but loved playing jokes on him in private. One time during a morning round of golf, the screen partners discussed a hurtful magazine article that called the very rich Hope a cheapskate. Bing promptly went home to write an angry letter to the editor. People didn’t realize that when Bob did free benefits for the US armed forces, he also gave up tons of money he could earn in other venues. After Hope thanked him, the crooner wanted a favor. There were a group of sailors on leave in New York who could use entertaining. Bing’s schedule was full; could Bob do it? The patriotic comedian agreed and quickly left Hollywood for the East Coast. Bob was stunned when the military audience sat stone-faced, not laughing at any of his jokes. Crosby hadn’t mentioned to Hope that the servicemen were members of the Royal Dutch Navy, who didn’t speak a word of English. Extra: Crooner Bing Crosby (1903-1977) and comedian Bob Hope (19032003) met while they were each performing at New York’s Capitol Theater in 1932. They became drinking buddies and planned out a routine to enhance each other’s act. Bob would come out on stage and say he had to do the show alone 10 HOLLYWOOD STORIES tonight. His partner had unfortunately locked himself in his dressing room. Bing then appeared in the wings, holding a plank of wood with an attached doorknob. “I’ll be going solo tonight,” Crosby told the crowd. “My partner has a stomach ache.” “But I don’t have one,” Hope protested. “You will after I make you swallow this!” Audiences were delighted and Hollywood studio executives took notice. Extra: Crosby and Hope sometimes had a tense relationship and did not always appreciate being the butt of each other’s jokes. A particular sore spot for Crosby was when Hope made fun of his toupee. During a scene in Road to Singapore (1940), the two men were about to settle down and get some shuteye when the director noticed something wrong. “Bing, why don’t you take your hat off?” “What are you talking about?” the singer replied. “This is how I sleep.” No amount of arguing or front office pressure could change the leading man’s mind; Crosby’s head and hairpiece stayed covered throughout the shot. Extra: Bob Hope was one of the Masters of Ceremonies when Bing Crosby won the Oscar for playing a priest in the sentimental comedy Going My Way (1944). The comedian later said that smiling as Crosby received his statue was the greatest acting job of his life. A Christmas Story William Claude Dukenfield, better known as W. C. Fields, who once claimed he would only play the role of Ebenezer Scrooge if he didn’t have to repent at the end, one time displayed a sentimental side during Christmas. In the winter of 1895, the fifteen-year-old vaudevillian was robbed by his manager, and found himself stranded and broke at the Kent, Ohio, train station. The man behind the counter noticed him sitting quietly. “Are you an actor?” W. C. nodded. “People don’t trust your kind,” the worker noted. The young Fields, who had committed acts of larceny since he had run away from his father back in Philadelphia, said nothing. The clerk pulled a bill out of his wallet. “Listen, son, here’s ten dollars. Pay me back when things are better for you.” Shocked by such kindness in a cruel world, William burst into tears. Two years later on Christmas Day, the ticket seller received a note thanking him for his gesture with the original loan, plus another ten dollars in interest. It was all the money Fields had, so he spent the holiday in a soup kitchen.